Random Shit

I had to go to the DMV today to renew my driver’s license because I turned 60 this year and the photo on my existing driver’s license is 10+ years old. Thanks a lot, DMV. I can see that 10 years has taken its toll on my face and I was somewhat unaware of that before today. Yeah, thanks DMV, you miserable bastards.

Actually, the people at the Westampton DMV office were great. They were efficient and things moved quickly. We even had some laughs, even though I couldn’t laugh in my photo. I was permitted a ‘small smile.’ I smirked. It’s not a good look but I did what I could with it. I was hoping I’d look kind of like Mona Lisa or a porn star. Didn’t happen. Instead I look like a 60 year old woman in need of a haircut. And a chin lift.

 

 

Random Stuff

I reached into my little bowl of Bobby pins (who is Bobby, by the way?) to get something that would poof up the crown of my hair so I didn’t have ‘flat head,’ leading to ‘big nose.’ I found two tiny clips and positioned them at the back of head. They didn’t do much for the poof so I took them out. When I looked at them more closely I realized that they are either a) hair clips for a baby or b) the little clips that come with small Orchids to hold the stems up once the flowers bloom. Yes, I’ve had a lot of dead Orchids in my life and yes, I never throw anything away.

The Story of Jimmy & Pete – Chapter 3

After the wedding celebration the newlywed Doxy and Chi settled into a nice life on the lam. They often returned to their spiritual advisor and handout guy at the town dump but living there permanently was not something they wanted to do. It was crowded there and the many smells worth investigating were a distraction. Dox and Chi wanted to be alone together and to focus on their marriage.

They soon learned that being different breeds was exciting and romantic but also presented some challenges.

They couldn’t run at the same pace because their legs were so different in length. Chi was always getting ahead of Dox and this really pissed her off. Chi eventually learned to jog instead of run when he and Dox were out and about.

Doxy may have had short (and gorgeous) legs but she had a long nose. This made kissing difficult for Chi so he often avoided full-on kisses, opting for little butterly kisses on Doxy’s cheek or even nibbling on his wife’s floppy ears. This really pissed her off. Eventually, Chi learned to lean in at just the right angle to kiss Doxy on her lips. And he never nibbled again. Even when Dox wound up with some wet food on the ends of her pretty little ears.

Doxy always barked ferociously when she sensed danger but she never bit. She didn’t believe in physical violence of any sort, even if a fly was buzzing her because of those tasty ears. But Chi barked AND bit when he saw a threat. He had even bitten a nice kid who approached him to give him some of his Hint-of-Lime Doritos. Fortunately, the little boy wasn’t badly hurt because he was wearing his skateboarding safety gear (Yeah, this kid could eat Hint-of-Lime Doritos while skateboarding!). When Chi bit the nice kid Doxy was really pissed off. Eventually, Chi learned to keep his mouth shut, except for the savage bark that did give most creatures pause. Except maybe those flies.

Religious dilemmas hounded Chi an Doxy too. Dox was a Lutheran and Chi was a Roman Catholic. Chi would always be quoting the Pope and mentioning the padre’s infallibility afterward. This really pissed Dox off. Eventually, Chi learned to mention the Pope’s latest Encyclical and ask Doxy what she thought of the new “letter of suggestion,” as he called it.

Chi really loved Doxy. And Doxy really loved Chi. They worked hard to overcome the issues in a mixed marriage. And it wasn’t just the canine husband and wife who had ‘issues’ with their differences. There were a surprising number of dogists in both the animal and human world who didn’t approve of the young couple. Dox and Chi sometimes found a good neighborhood and space to live but were forced to move on because of other dogs’ prejudices. It’s hard to feel comfortable in a spot where AKC Standard Poodles stood on fire hydrants railing about the danger of “diluting” pure bred dog breeds. Or where owners of pure bred Shitzus shunned you and refused to help you out with a few scraps of Boar’s Head baloney. And the cats, my God, the cats. They were the worst. Barn Cats with no pedigree would toss murdered Blue Jays in front of Mr. and Mrs. Chihuahua. The message was clear.: “Move on or wind up like Bernie Blue Jay here.”

Finally, the no-longer-naieve pups decided to make their way down South. Rumor had it that there were all sorts of mixed marriages and combo-puppies in South Carolina. So, Chi and Doxy packed their little knapsacks, attached them to some fine sticks and jogged/walked down Rt 95.

 

 

TO DO – Monday January 29

Wegman’s – detox soup ingredients, water bottles, Crusciki (sp?)

COSTCO – return TurboTax CDs, get gas, talk to pharmacist about brand Rxs

Mani/pedi

laundry with Zum clothes detergent

give Jimmy and Petey a bath – “puppy tears no more!”

Visit Miriam (calendar)

NJ DL ???????

Don’t forget PSE&G person coming to replace meter between 4 and midnight (midnight?????)

 

TO DO Saturday, January 27, 2018

Target – Rx and dish soap

Jimmy & Pete – give flea/tick Rx pill

visit neighbor – give her calendar from St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital (if she wants)

COSTCO – talk to pharmacist about price for brand anti-depressant Rx

Call Comcast to fix phones

Don’t forget that PSE&G is coming on Monday – EMPTY SHED today!!!

Renew NJ DL in person

Pick Caroline up at SPeedline station

To Do List – Friday, January 26, 2018

Beer

Call Comcast to repair landline

NJ DL renewal in person (6 points)

Moore Brothers wine sale (10% off, only good through Monday)

Mani/pedi

PSE&G meter replacement Monday between 4 and midnight (midnight???????)

The Story of Jimmy and Pete – Chapter 2

The pretty Dachshund and her handsome beau, the Chihuahua, found the nice man who put out food for stray dogs and cats. They ate the good food the man put out for them. They were very happy.

The Dachshund and the Chihuahua decided to get married and start a family. They asked the nice man who put out the food if he could marry them. He had recently been ordained by the “Universalist Church of Dogs, Cats and Squirrels” so he happily said, “Why, yes, little Doxy-girl and Chi-fellow, I’d be happy to marry you!”

After the ceremony all the stray dogs and cats the kind man/Minister had helped celebrated with a big party. The man brought music CDs from Three Dog Night, Snoop Dog and The Pussycat Girls. Everyone danced. They even did the Electric Slide (an old Boxer taught them all the steps in the line dance that was so popular in the 1980s). They didn’t do the Chicken Dance that so many humans do at their weddings because they were sensitive to the offense this caused real chickens. “What the hell????,” the chickens used to say. “We don’t dance like that. We are really good dancers. These losers don’t know anything.” ┬áChickens are very sensitive about their self-image.

 

 

 

 

My To Do List

So, I’m going to post my daily and sometimes inter-daily “To Do” lists so that you can get to know me better/best.

Today (January 23, 2018)

See lawyer to get new Will, Healthcare Directive (Living Will), Durable Power of Attorney

Put box out for BBBSNJ donation

Get cat litter, coffee (decaf too) and beer at Wegman’s

Renew Life/Health Insurance license

Go to annual meeting of condo association

Call Comcast to repair phone service

Email Caroline about dog/cat-sitting

Text Lily about how you love her Christmas gift – shower gel, moisturizer and pumice-thing-a-ma-bob

Clean house