Random Acts of Oddity

I just vacuumed myself. Or, more clearly, I vacuumed a jacket I was wearing to get all the cat and dog hair off of it. I wasn’t particularly bothered by the animal hair but I wore the jacket to the gym yesterday and ran into someone I know who made a big fuss about my hairy outerwear. I kept thinking, “Hello. I’m at the gym, not Prince Harry and Megan Markle’s wedding.” But she went on about it, clearly not recognizing the “I don’t give a shit” expression on my face. She recommended a lint brush. I’m 60 years old and sweep up enough animal hair in a week to make a realistic cat replica (hey, that would be a good idea or the garden. A scarecat) and I don’t know about this modern invention called a lint brush????????? But, I decided that it may be best to clean up my act in case someone I really want to talk to has an allergy to cats. So, I put on the jacket, took off the brush of the vacuum tube and ‘hosed’ myself. It didn’t work that well so I’m moving on to the return label I got from Jo-Ann Fabrics. Peel off that backing and you’ve got one hell of a fuzz magnet.

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