The Story of Jimmy & Pete – Chapter 4

When last we saw our Doxy/Chihuahua couple they were heading to South Carolina on paw.

It was an arduous journey with some wonderful adventures and some harrowing occurrences. Let’s just leave it at that. This is a G-rated story, after all. Ixnay on the scary stuff.

Let’s jump to South Carolina.

Doxy and Chi arrived at The Palmetto State a little thinner, a little wiser and a little desperate.

The only dogs they met in South Caroline were homeless and despondent. So they searched for a good human who might help them.

Sadly, the first humans they encountered were not good ones. They were ruthless puppy sellers and looked at Mr. and Mrs. with slavering delight. “Wow, how cute will their offspring will be,” thought the humans. Tiny dogs with a medium nose and medium legs. That’s what the humans saw in Chi and Doxy.

So, the bad humans spoke sweetly to the young couple and offered them wet dog food. Hungry, tired and far from home, our little heroes fell for it, hook, line and sinker (sorry for the fish metaphor in the middle of a dog story). They happily followed the bad humans to their house.

But, instead of a warm bed and steady meals, they found themselves in a dark, wooden crate that smelled of other days and other dogs. Chi and Dox were bereft, but not as hungry as they’d been on the trip. “At least we have some kibble and each other,” they said in unison. And, as they took comfort in food, each other and their great love, they made love.

Fast forward a number of months (I should know the gestation period of Dachshunds but I don’t. Deal with it).  Doxy and Chi had been moved to nice quarters when the bad humans discovered that Dox was pregnant. They got to stay in the house and had a warm room off of the kitchen. They finally got the promised wet dog food  and were let outside to romp for a couple of hours every day. Their biggest problem was holding their small bladders in check until they were allowed out in the yard. Both Chi and Dox were fastidious in their habits. They were not going to pee or poop in their living space, especially with children on the way. Yes, they both understood that they’d soon welcome the children they had planned on when first they fell in love.

Fast forward again (yeah, I still don’t know the gestation period of Dachshunds) and the happy day arrived for Chi and Dox. It was May 1, 2015 and the weather was warm and sunny in North Carolina. Dox woke up with cramps. She didn’t even know what cramps were but she sensed that something momentous was about to happen. She woke Chi up with a nudge of her long nose. Chi popped up, took one look at his beautiful wife and started barking frantically. When the humans didn’t appear Chi began pawing at the gate that separated Dox and his living quarters from the kitchen. His barking jumped up an octave or two and became thoroughly annoying. Doxy was pissed off. She was not feeling great and her lunatic husband was rapidly approaching a meltdown. Finally, the human woman appeared and Chi ran to Doxy’s side. Doxy was whimpering quietly so Chi tried to kiss her. That really pissed her off. She nearly bit his nose off. Chi stepped back. The human lady stepped in. She had grabbed a wet washcloth and a whole lot of paper towels. She turned Doxy on her side while saying nice things in a soft voice. Chi felt a little left out but after another minute he was more than happy to be dogsona non grata.

Like magic, two little puppies popped out of Doxy. They looked a lot alike. Both really small, both really brown and both had a little white triangle on their heads. They were adorable. And totally helpless.

Human Lady wiped them off with the wet washcloth and cleaned Doxy up. Chi was covering his eyes with his paws and only looked when he heard his wife murmuring softly. He approached her affectionately and she responded positively. They both looked at the two new creatures they had created from love and glowed with joy.


The Story of Jimmy & Pete – Chapter 3

After the wedding celebration the newlywed Doxy and Chi settled into a nice life on the lam. They often returned to their spiritual advisor and handout guy at the town dump but living there permanently was not something they wanted to do. It was crowded there and the many smells worth investigating were a distraction. Dox and Chi wanted to be alone together and to focus on their marriage.

They soon learned that being different breeds was exciting and romantic but also presented some challenges.

They couldn’t run at the same pace because their legs were so different in length. Chi was always getting ahead of Dox and this really pissed her off. Chi eventually learned to jog instead of run when he and Dox were out and about.

Doxy may have had short (and gorgeous) legs but she had a long nose. This made kissing difficult for Chi so he often avoided full-on kisses, opting for little butterly kisses on Doxy’s cheek or even nibbling on his wife’s floppy ears. This really pissed her off. Eventually, Chi learned to lean in at just the right angle to kiss Doxy on her lips. And he never nibbled again. Even when Dox wound up with some wet food on the ends of her pretty little ears.

Doxy always barked ferociously when she sensed danger but she never bit. She didn’t believe in physical violence of any sort, even if a fly was buzzing her because of those tasty ears. But Chi barked AND bit when he saw a threat. He had even bitten a nice kid who approached him to give him some of his Hint-of-Lime Doritos. Fortunately, the little boy wasn’t badly hurt because he was wearing his skateboarding safety gear (Yeah, this kid could eat Hint-of-Lime Doritos while skateboarding!). When Chi bit the nice kid Doxy was really pissed off. Eventually, Chi learned to keep his mouth shut, except for the savage bark that did give most creatures pause. Except maybe those flies.

Religious dilemmas hounded Chi an Doxy too. Dox was a Lutheran and Chi was a Roman Catholic. Chi would always be quoting the Pope and mentioning the padre’s infallibility afterward. This really pissed Dox off. Eventually, Chi learned to mention the Pope’s latest Encyclical and ask Doxy what she thought of the new “letter of suggestion,” as he called it.

Chi really loved Doxy. And Doxy really loved Chi. They worked hard to overcome the issues in a mixed marriage. And it wasn’t just the canine husband and wife who had ‘issues’ with their differences. There were a surprising number of dogists in both the animal and human world who didn’t approve of the young couple. Dox and Chi sometimes found a good neighborhood and space to live but were forced to move on because of other dogs’ prejudices. It’s hard to feel comfortable in a spot where AKC Standard Poodles stood on fire hydrants railing about the danger of “diluting” pure bred dog breeds. Or where owners of pure bred Shitzus shunned you and refused to help you out with a few scraps of Boar’s Head baloney. And the cats, my God, the cats. They were the worst. Barn Cats with no pedigree would toss murdered Blue Jays in front of Mr. and Mrs. Chihuahua. The message was clear.: “Move on or wind up like Bernie Blue Jay here.”

Finally, the no-longer-naieve pups decided to make their way down South. Rumor had it that there were all sorts of mixed marriages and combo-puppies in South Carolina. So, Chi and Doxy packed their little knapsacks, attached them to some fine sticks and jogged/walked down Rt 95.



The Story of Jimmy and Pete – Chapter 2

The pretty Dachshund and her handsome beau, the Chihuahua, found the nice man who put out food for stray dogs and cats. They ate the good food the man put out for them. They were very happy.

The Dachshund and the Chihuahua decided to get married and start a family. They asked the nice man who put out the food if he could marry them. He had recently been ordained by the “Universalist Church of Dogs, Cats and Squirrels” so he happily said, “Why, yes, little Doxy-girl and Chi-fellow, I’d be happy to marry you!”

After the ceremony all the stray dogs and cats the kind man/Minister had helped celebrated with a big party. The man brought music CDs from Three Dog Night, Snoop Dog and The Pussycat Girls. Everyone danced. They even did the Electric Slide (an old Boxer taught them all the steps in the line dance that was so popular in the 1980s). They didn’t do the Chicken Dance that so many humans do at their weddings because they were sensitive to the offense this caused real chickens. “What the hell????,” the chickens used to say. “We don’t dance like that. We are really good dancers. These losers don’t know anything.”  Chickens are very sensitive about their self-image.





The Story of Jimmy and Pet – Chapter 1

Once upon a time there was a pretty little Dachshund. Yeah, her eyes were kind of small and beady because Dachshunds have beady little eyes. But they were flecked with gold and she had long, dark eyelashes that curled up to her forehead. She didn’t have eyebrows because dogs don’t have eyebrows. But her ears were silky and framed her face like an angel’s hair. Her legs were short but very well-shaped. She was like the Betty Grable of Dachshunds. If you don’t know who Betty Grable is just Google her photos. Trust me, she had great legs.
The beautiful Dachshund with great legs was meeting lots of cute boy Dachshunds and many of them wanted to marry her. She thought they were nice but her tiny heart never fluttered the way the other girl dogs talked about. Until one day. . .
A tall, handsome blonde put his cold little nose through the hole in the fencing that separated the different dog breeds. He’d stick his nose through the fence and whimper until the pretty Dachshund looked at him. Then he’d lie on the ground and roll over and over and over until she smiled.
The darling Doxy and cool Chihuahua continued to flit and flirt until, one day, they realized that they were falling in love. And Doxy knew this wasn’t going to go over well with her family. They were German and weren’t keen on any canine that wasn’t like them. And Chi knew that his family wasn’t going to be thrilled either. But, like Romeo and Juliet, they knew that they had to be together. So they made a plan to dig out of their respective cages a little bit at a time, like that guy in Shawshank Redemption (yes, everyone, including dogs, has seen Shawshank Redemption) and elope.
Once they escaped from their pens the Doxy and Chi met at the big Weeping Willow tree they could see from the farm. There was not time for chatting since the farm owners would be putting breakfast out soon and would surely miss the pair. They ran until they found a little creek where they could get a cool drink. At the creek they met an unusually friendly squirrel. The squirrel directed them to the local dump, where a soft-hearted municipal worker put out cans of cat and dog food for the many strays in the area.